yienlim

Last week I was being to the Singapure for conference. I got the chance to stay in Singapure for 6 days. Singapure is a nice place and most of the places have very good accessibility and the public transport is nice and punctual. Singapure is just a small island capital that actually not much of the places I am interested.

I was spent 3 days to take a round trip in singapure include sentosa island. For me, I not really like to explore in this develop country. The great of building architectures, some monuments, merlion and so on. In general, Singapure is the least interest country I will go if I go for travel. Besides man made buildings and technologies, they are not really interesting thing attracted me; no heritage preserved, no nice natural setting and do not have their own tradition. Most of the previous local tradition had being replaced by the western tradition. Singapure, for me is like a small western city which occupied by the Asian people.

People at here are living under high pressure and they are live in their own small world. They not really like to interact with each other. You can find that in the train there are least people chatting; most of the people are concentrated on their own ipod or mind their business. It’s a sad thing! Human getting far apart from each other.

Geylang is a red street which is mainly deal with night business; ladies with sexy clothes, standing along the street, holding the strangers walking by. Everyday I passing by them, I feel sorry to them, I cannot help them. In this develop and high lifestyle country, these group of the people are struggle for survive by selling themselves. In the pub, how many open sex held! I look through them, they having a lonely heart and depressed lifestyle; they wanted to release through sex and alcohol. This is the hidden real soul in such develop city!

I was thinking, oneday will I become one of the ladies standing at the street to bagged for somebody to love me??? No matter how good the carrier and lifestyle, sometimes it doesn’t promise a happy soul.  

It always is my dream for traveling. And now, the first nation I travel abroad is Cambodia. I never expected I was traveling alone to a brand new nation. I didn’t hope to travel alone but I will when there is no suitable person can be partner for traveling.

Cambodia is a unique country, the people in Cambodia is friendly and kind. And most of the Cambodian is very good in making business. My experienced in Cambodian was taught me to be an independent person. I didn’t really have a proper plan for Cambodia trip. The moment I step on the Cambodia, I told myself everything needs to endure by my own. I was in the nation with poor connection and I was alone that time. Nobody will help me eventhough I scream for help. This was the great challenge for me.

I decide to stay in guess house because at there I able to met with peoples from different countries, how they felt on the Cambodia and knew some places that is interesting and also we can exchanged experienced to each other. Traveler passing by and left everyday, I had a deep feeling that life will be like this; people are passing by you, there are a few of the people who travel with you. The persons whose meet today may not meet in tomorrow. Somebody appear in my life, he/she is a right person but unfortunately we meet in the wrong time. Some person I never wish to meet for second time because of their arrogant.

I travel a lot of temples in Cambodia. Some of the temples just left the temple’s wall, some of the temple (prasat) is good preserved and some of the temple is going to collapse due to the nature force. From a temple to another temple, it tells the people and life in the past. Cambodia history and Angkor Empire is much influent by Hindu and Buddhism. Some of the monuments are combination of both. From the growing trees in some temples, it does remind me that no matter how great was the empire, Creator has the great power to make trees growth on the building and replace the beauty of temple by trees.

I was went to the country side by cycling, experienced their daily lifestyle. They are so kind and pure persons. Villages were full with the happiness and peace. But they live in a bit poor condition. I believe that they will change to better situation soon. Cambodia countryside is full of dangerous, because you might not know that the ground you step has land mine. I know that, but I still gamble my life for that because this is real life experience in order to feel what Cambodian feel.

I flight back from Cambodia, everything start from beginning. Cambodia trip changed some part of my life. Travel alone needs a very brave decision and strong mind. I will keep on travel around for the rest of my life, I might not know how long my life is but it becomes part of my life.

朋友，身为男人的你怎么这么的花心？两个月不到竟然决定换新欢。你知道吗？你们两个都是我的好朋友我夹在中间很多时候很难做人啊。你的女朋友总是要我为你说好话，而你总是要我瞒着你的女朋友。很多时候，我怕我在你们两个面前讲话时不小心摸到良心会让我内心感到不安。

你为了新鲜而选择她，而今天你为了宗教想要放弃她。我不知该对你说什么，也知道你不会采纳我的劝告。至今为止我仍然不确定你是否是为了爱曾经尝试与她发展。是否是我太高估你们所建立的感情，以为你们可以经得起考验。从开始至今不到两个月你已经不止一次背叛这段感情了。你说我在立场上很理性，但也别忘了我是个基督徒。出轨的感情要如何继续？看着她为你的缺席说尽好话与理由，为你的谎话用了很多借口来圆谎；我该高兴她圆谎的能力，还是该为她努力的逃避现实感到悲哀？

你的离开也许对他来说未尝不是件好事。毕竟长痛不如短痛啊，放她自由吧！看着她每次面对我时，总是向我打听你的消息。有些事我知道了却硬要装着不知道；明明是真相却为了对你的承诺我偏制了许多完美的借口。每次回答时我的手不敢乱动因为害怕摸到自己的良心，怕良心发现而完完全全毁了她美丽幻想。我只希望你将来对她说分手时，别伤她太深。要知道将要出现在她身上的伤口，其中一部分是我造成的。

男人真的都那么花心吗？男人真的都不甘寂寞吗？是不是觉得在感情世界里，女人是多多益善。知道真相，却一点忙也帮不上；觉得自己真没用；感觉真糟糕。唉….

万物都有定律，皆有生有死。人与动物的岁月以年份来数算；石头的岁月以亿万年来数算；星球的岁月以光年来数算。万物皆有生也有死，被造之物皆有他们的时限。这是不变的定律。

只是，当一起生活久了、习惯了这环境身边的人。有天突然说离开了，在彼此有了感情之后离开了。人会依依不舍、感到伤心最后留下疤痕留下回忆。对病痛中离开的人来说是种解脱，是好的；但对他身边看着她一天天失去生命的人来说这是种痛苦，是远不能淡忘的疮疤。以为很容易就会放下然后继续走未完成的人生路，谁知原来并没有放下反而拖着沉重的伤痛回忆吃力的往前走。

捉起沙滩上的沙，沙在指间快速的流失。打开紧捉的手，手掌中所留下的沙少之又少。以为紧紧捉住就可以留住沙，而沙越是紧捉越是流失的更加迅速。想要留下什么，却发觉最后什么都没留下。想藉着时间遗忘痛苦的回忆，却惊觉时间留下了更多痛苦难忘的回忆。

唉！真惨。好想撞墙算了! 我竟然会把洗发精拿来当沐浴露来洗身子？！ 简直不敢相信。东西是自己买的，也是自己放的竟然会拿错而且还不自觉！天哪，丢脸丢到姥姥家去了。真的是笨到可以。

没办法，最近有点心不在焉。有些事放了又提；转了一大圈又回到原地了。身心灵都累了也不想继续欺骗自己，编制一个美丽的谎言的梦境把自己放在里面。拿错沐浴露还可以把身子冲干净后拿对的那瓶来重新洗过，但是有些选择选错了就无法再来；有些人错过了就不会再重遇。

交上thesis 后，放了自己一个大假。许久没有假期了，忙碌的生活让我看不清前面的路，所以决定好好善待自己顺便整理混乱已久的思绪。

毅然决定单独旅行，我了解这样的机会一生中可能只有那么一次所以一定要好好的体会。当然事情并没有想象中那么容易。经历了才了解深处人生地不熟的地方最需要的是心灵上的平安及无形中的支持。其实，单独旅行并没有多少人理解我支持我，多数都不理解我觉得我太冲动了，担心我或叫我快点结束这次的旅行说是为我着想（是否出于真心我想不重要了）。这是我意料中的事只是亲耳听到还是让人感到难受。是否明白我不想永远活在安稳的圈圈里面，没有真正的经历我怎么学习成长，不愿意只活在狭小的空间与经历里，不想一辈子只会有事时找别人来担更不想一辈子当胆小鬼。也该感谢这次的单独旅行，让我真正看到会了解我的人几乎少之又少；支持我的人几乎等于零。庆幸我的心是坚硬的，头脑是固执的，耳朵是关闭的不然我可能永远错失这样的机会。真真实实的体验比任何理论或书面解释让我学习更多，没有跌倒过就不知道什么是痛，也不会学着克服沮丧重新站起来。是否了解我已经不再重要了，我已经学会如何去倾听内心最深处的声音了。

还有，感谢神，他是赐我平安的主，并从头到末了支持我陪我经历整个旅程点点滴滴的神。原来，我的神并不是那么遥不可及。